There is no escaping pain, it comes to us all in various shapes and forms.

This past week while attending a funeral I notice all the people I have known for the past almost 20 years. When we met I was a teenager, I didn’t know then that they will become family. We have since attended each others weddings, baby showers and shared many birthday celebrations together. But now I see the pain of death reflected in their eyes but also the hope of Life in their tears. We have lost a family member, a warrior in his own right. As the men in the family fill the grave it is surely the most striking act of shared pain, love and healing…The flowers are placed on the heap of earth and I see acceptance in the faces of the mourners. They are bravely facing their pain whilst turning away from suffering.

I am reminded of Victor Frankl and his book; Man’s search for meaning. In the book Victor shares in horific detail his experiences of loss during the holocaust. He however concludes that between stimulus and response, there is space. In that space exists our power to choose our response, and in our response lies our growth and freedom.

Is it true then that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional? What if we experience illness, sickness, death, grief, financial ruin, loss? I remember so many times I have literally folded into myself, a fetal position of protection trying to deflect the intensity of the pain.

It is an overwhelming spiritual, emotional and physical hurt – encompassing all your being. But somewhere after that we have to choose – continue to carry this pain into a never ending suffering or allow the breaking of your shell to find deeper understanding.

In times of intense pain, may you find the space to allow joy. May you know that it is okay to smile whilst crying. To laugh whilst mourning. To love during grief and to hope during loss…To have peace where there is no understanding and to understand without the luxury of any answers.